Battle Cattle – Super Mutant Terror EP – Review

Battle Cattle – Super Mutant Terror EP – Review

26th May 2025 0 By Suzie Rottencrotch

I put the CD in (it’s not a CD it’s on the screen, but I wanted to pretend) and the FIRST SOUND was like when you drop your toy robot into the washing machine, but also there’s a monster living in the washing machine AND HE’S MAD. NOT A LITTLE MAD. BIG MAD.

The singer is yelling like he’s got spaghetti in his shoes and the guitars are made of NOODLES AND LIGHTNING. They go SCRAAAANG and SCHHHHHH, and one part went KZZZZZZZT, and my cat made the same face I make when broccoli exists.

The middle song, I jumped so high I hit the ceiling fan and it spun me like a pizza. The drums are like a stampede of elephants who drank coffee, and now they are going to knock on your door and scream the alphabet backwards.

AND THEN THE LAST SONG CAME, and I got real dizzy but happy-dizzy like when you eat three bananas and try to do math. I think there’s a guitar solo in it but it might have been a time machine. Or a blender full of goblins. Either way, it made my brain say “YEAH!” but with more spit.

My ears are doing a little dance. I named the sound “blork.” My mum says I need to go outside now.

OK BYE I’M GONNA DRAW A PICTURE OF THE GUITAR BUT IT’S ALSO A ROCKETSHIP FULL OF SCREAMS!!!

Score: ∞ screaming cows / 1 normal Tuesday (Because numbers don’t matter when your brain has been punched lovingly by mutant hooves and your soul is now a tiny mosh pit living inside your chest)
Track LIst

01 – Intro
02 – Super Mutant Terror
03 – Feed the Yao Guai
04 – M.U.Y.A.
05 – Moe
Label:Death Is Imminent Records
Release:23rd May 2025

For all things Battle Cattle, click HERE and to purchase the EP, click HERE

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